Its really hard for me to identify my identity. i always ask God, why did always want me to have an agony at night. always ask myself?who i am? very tough yet significant dealing with my life..
some says, you just have to be true to yourself and from that, you will be happy. i declined to agree,know y? how can i be so true to myself, if my identity itself is still questionable. actually im not happy being a bi/ gay or whatsoever. being gay? im not happy. descriminations are always there.being a bisexual, di rin ako masya.. di mo lam kung san ka lulugar.. kung sino dpat mong patusin.. mapababae o lalaki,,, ang hirap.. grabe.. di kc ko napalaki ng mganda..
Ive been a battered child when i was a kid... always been hit by a "tabla" or a walis tambo, laging nkakaladkad... but one thing that i dont like to go back in my past is that i always been embarrassed--- that thing always reminds me that life is too unfair for me...and now i havthis social problem? i am catagelophobic in nature... ayoko nang pinagtatawanan o napapahiya ako...
at ngaun di ako msaya sa pagiging ganito, dahil di ko tanggap ang pagiging ako...
nd y do i have to experience these things.. My parents might say that its part of discipline.. but look at me now,dahil sa disiplinang yon,eto ko. sobrang hinang tao at pati sarili ko di ko kilala...masyadong nadeprive ung self-esteem and confidence ko..(hahaha... naiiyak nako) hehehe.. eto hirap sakin... nakakpagopen ako sa taong di ko kilala.. smantlang sa kaibigan ko.. hindi..hehehe..madaya nga e db? just pretending that im happy, well in fact, im not... hirap.. pag may problema, iiyak lang sa kwarto, after 30 minutes, wla na..naiipon lahat eh..
eto na isinasabog ko na.. ni di ako marunong lumaban dahil wla ng natira sa sarili ko.. wla akong lakas ng loob para lumaban.. wla!!!!!.. kaya ganoon nlng ung paghahanap ko ng taong magmamahal.. pero wla rin.. wla rin nagtatagal.. sna ndi nlng ako ng bi
sna guys bago tayo mgmhal, sna makita natin sa tao kung ano ung wla sya na kayang ibigay naten.. indi un, papasok ka sa relasyon, puro larot kagaguhan lang ang gagawin mo.. (Buti sana gwapo eh!!!)
ngaun "bahala system" nnmn ako.. kung meron darating, bahala na siya..
Guys, look.. baka sabihin niyo nagpapapancnlang ako dito.. bhala na kayong magicip.. basta ko, inilalabas ko lang ung dpat kong ilabas.. gusto ko lang sna na makilala niyo muna ako before niyo ko gaguhin.. sna makilala niyo ko ng lubusan.. sna ibahin niyo ko sa ibang bi/gay diyan... ayn na.. im laying my cards... so would u dare to play my cards or dare to keep it.. its all up to you...
Thanks for reading..
ingat ka..
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